Finding It Hard
by Silver Sparklze
Summary: Harry and Ginny had a perfect marriage...


Title: Finding It Hard

Summary: Harry and Ginny had a perfect marriage...

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea.

Author's Notes: This was inspired by the song 'Hold Me' by Savage Garden. The lyrics are at the bottom.

* * *

"Ladies, gentlemen, and family of the bride, it is my dubious honour to introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Harry Potter!" Seamus Finnegan, one of the groomsmen announced.

Harry and Ginny laughed along with everyone else, though Ron, the best man, jokingly yelled "I'll get you later Finnegan!"

"Yeah, yeah." Seamus shook his head. "And now, the happy couple will lead us in the first dance."

Harry held out his hand to Ginny, smiling. "Shall we, cariad?"

Ginny returned the smile with a sweet one of her own, pixie-like features lighting up, red hair forming a glowing halo around her face. She laid one of her hands in his. "We shall."

As Harry led his wife through the ancient dance, he felt his heart swell with love for her. Everything was going to be perfect.

* * *

_Two Months Later_

"Gotcha!" Harry said. goosing his wife while she washed up the dinner dishes.

Ginny jumped a foot in the air and let out a shriek of surprise. She whirled around, whapping Harry on the shoulder with the dishcloth. "Circe's Mirror, Harry, don't _do_ that." She scolded.

"But it's so much _fun_." Harry rested his head on top of Ginny's, nuzzling her hair affectionately.

Ginny smiled, snuggling close. "I love you, Harry."

"Love you, too, cariad." The dark-haired wizard scooped Ginny up into his arms and took her upstairs to show her exactly how much he loved her.

* * *

_Six Months Later_

"Merlin, I'm exhausted." Harry muttered, opening the door to his and Ginny's apartment.

"_Finally_!" Ginny huffed. "C'mon, we're gonna be late." She grabbed Harry by the hand, tugging him back out the door.

"Wait, what?" Harry asked.

"It's Bill's birthday dinner tonight, remember? Bloody hell, Harry, what world are you living in? Now come _on_!"

"Gin, I'm really tired, and I've got a migraine. I don't want to go." Harry said wearily.

"Harry, this is the _third_ dinner you've missed this month. What's so exhausting about what you do?" Ginny asked crossly. "You do realise I can't keep covering for you? Mum _already_ thinks you're either avoiding her or suffering from some incurable disease."

"I'm just tired, Ginny!" Harry snapped. "I can't tell you _why_! You know that!"

"It'd be different if it was only once or twice, Harry." The redhead snarled. "But it's not. It's every damned night! We hardly ever _talk_ anymore! You just come home and go to sleep!"

"Ginny, please, not now." Harry begged, rubbing his pounding skull.

Ginny stamped her foot, eyes snapping. "_Yes_, right now! You _promised_ you'd come!"

"Well I'm not! So quit nagging!" Harry stormed off.

Ginny pressed a hand to her mouth, tears running down her cheeks. She disapparated, wondering what had happened to their fairytale marriage.

* * *

_Two Months Later_Harry groaned, throwing an arm across his eyes. It was too early to get up, three hours before he had to be awake. 

In another time, he would have rolled over and gently coaxed Ginny awake with kisses and caresses...but he was in the guest room, and there was no doubt in his mind that Ginny had been awake for over an hour, hurrying to be ready and out of the house before he woke up.

The green-eyed wizard pushed back his covers and got up. That wasn't going to happen this morning. He decided. He and Ginny were going to talk, put an end to this silly war between them.

He walked down to the kitchen and smiled at his wife tentatively.

She was sitting bu the window, sipping a mug of tea, newspaper in her hand. The thick china looked strange in her delicate fingers, sunlight streaming through the windows turning her hair the colour of flame. She didn't seem to be of this world.

"Good morning." He said.

Ginny didn't even look up. "Yes, it is." She said eventually. "There's bacon and sausages in the pan, and bread just out of the oven." She got up, folding the newspaper carefully, and left the kitchen.

Harry felt as though something inside him broke, then. Ginny didn't love him anymore, he was sure of it.

* * *

Ginny sat down on their - her - bed, shoulders shaking with the effort to keep her crying silent. It wouldn't do for Harry to see how much he'd effected her with his simple greeting. What was he trying to pull? Two months and they'd not spoken a word they didn't have to, now suddenly he got up early and came down to say _GOOD MORNING_!

Ginny's face hardened, and she crossed to her dresser to repair her make up. She wasn't going to let him upset her.

* * *

"Erm, 'scuze me? Miz Granger?"

Hermione looked up from the papers she was reading, raising one eyebrow at her secretary. "Yes, Francie?"

The American girl shifted uncomfortably. "Mister Harry Potter here to see you."

"Very well, send him in." Hermione said, setting aside her research on Goblin Magic.

A familiar tousled head peeked in, followed by the rest of her best friend. "Harry, take a seat." The brunette witch said, voice warm.

Harry didn't even smile. "Hey 'Mione." He said glumly.

Hermione frowned. Something must be very wrong, Harry rarely showed his emotions, even among his friends. He just didn't know how. "What's wrong?" She asked gently.

Harry sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair. "Ginny and I are still having problems." He said. "She won't even talk to me now." Quickly, he told Hermione about the long silences, the avoidance, the different bedrooms, and the cold looks. Then, while she was still recovering, he told her about his last attempt to work things out.

"But...I don't understand." Hermione said when he was finished. "You two always seemed so perfect for one another."

Harry shook his head. "Well I guess we're not. I can't do this anymore, 'Mione.  
It's breaking me up inside. I find it hard to concentrate on my work-"

"How's that going, anyway?" Hermione interrupted, knowing she didn't want to hear Harry's defeat.

Harry smiled wryly, as if he knew what she was doing. "Good. Neville and I are almost there. Crucio patients won't go mad anymore. We've had some pleasing results...but so far they're short term. It'd go faster if I didn't have distractions." He sighed, and the look on his face made Hermione's heart break.

"What are you saying?" She asked.

"I'm saying...maybe Ginny and I need a divorce."

* * *

After Harry left, Hermione called Francie into her office. "I want you to send a memo to Ginevra Potter, from the Curses and Counter Curses Office. Tell her she's to come here _immediately_. Then go to lunch. A very long lunch. I don't want to see you back here until three o'clock."

"But Miz Granger, it's only ten thirty." Francie protested.

Hermione nodded. "Yes, it is. And I don't care. You'll still be paid."

* * *

Ginny poked her head in. "Yeah, 'Mione?" She asked, coming in and sitting down, "You wnated to see me?"

Hermione nodded. "Gin, I've got something _ver__ serious_ to talk to you about."

Ginny's eyes widened in panic. "What is it! Are you ok! Is Ron ok? Mum and Dad! Omigod, it's Charlie, isn't it. He's been turned into Kentuck Fried Wizard by a dragon. Bill's been hurt by a rogue curse. What is it!" She didn't even mention the twins. They were always in trouble. And Percy...it hurt to think about that Weasley brother.

"Ginny, calm down, it's none of those things." Hermione said, half laughing.

"Then what is it!"

"Ginny it's about you and Harry."

It was as though Ginny had been turned to stone. Her face became completely unreadable, her dark eyes blank. "I don't want to talk about it." She said tightly.

"But you have to all the same." Hermione said gently. "Gin, Harry came to see me today."

"I have no control over what Harry does, nor do I particularly _want_ control." Ginny said stiffly.

"He plans to divorce you." Hermione said bluntly, sick of tiptoeing.

The flash of pain that crossed Ginny's face convinced her she'd done the right thing.

"And why should I care?" Ginny asked unsteadily. "We haven't been a proper married couple for over two months, and we were on rocky ground for six months before that."

"Gin, he really loves you. But he thinks you don't love him anymore." Hermione pleaded.

Ginny blinked in surprise. "He does? He still loves me? Then why hasn't he said anything to me?"

"Have you said anything to him?" Hermione queried gently.

Ginny bit her lip. "No."

"Well there you go. You still love him, don't you?"

"Of course!" Ginny snapped.

"So why didn't you say anything to Harry?" Hermione asked smugly.

Ginny flushed and looked down at her hands. "Because I didn't want him to know how much his indifference hurt." She mumbled.

Hermione sighed. "Oh, sweetie, you two are so alike…so why did your relationship sour anyway?"

"He refused to tell me why he was always so tired, and why he could never talk to me in the evenings because of how exhausted he was. I got sick of it. We're supposed to share everything, and he was keeping secrets." Ginny said petulantly.

"Ginny, he's an Unspeakable. He _can't_ tell you anything, or he'll be fired." Hermione said patiently.

"I don't care, 'Mione. I can't live like that!" Ginny burst out. "He used to be so irritated when Albus kept secrets from him, but he's doing exactly the same thing to me!"

The brunette witch nodded. "I see your point. Ginny, do you want to remain married to Harry?"

"Of course!"

"Then talk to him. Explain all this to him. Don't be silent any longer."

Ginny nodded grimly. "I won't be."

* * *

Harry apparated home and unlocked the door glumly. Clearance had come through that morning. _Now_ he could tell Ginny all she wanted to know. Too little, too late. The story of his life.

The house was dark, just as he'd expected, but a glimmer of light shone under the closed kitchen door. Ginny would already be in bed…

Fully alert, Harry took out his wand, and walked silently towards the door. He threw it open, looking for the intruder. Nothing.

Harry chuckled softly when further inspection showed Ginny, asleep at the kitchen table, head pillowed on her arms. She wasn't even dressed for bed, and a cold mug of tea told Harry she'd been asleep for a while.

Softly, he whispered the spells that would clean the kitchen and dress her in her pyjamas. She'd often waited up for him like this…before they'd had that awful row.

Harry's smile flickered, then died. Why was she waiting up for him now? Could it be…did she want a divorce too?

Tears ran unheeded down his cheeks as the brunette wizard stared down upon his sleeping wife. Somehow, that thought was too hard to bear. He still loved her too much to let her go, even if the trouble distracted him from his work.

Stooping slightly, Harry picked Ginny up. He could have cast a levitating charm, but, selfish as it was, he wanted to hold her, and this was the only way to do it now.

Gently, he laid her in the bed they once shared, tucking the blankets around her securely. Hesitating for barely a moment, Harry dropped a gentle kiss on his lover's lips, and left the room.

* * *

Ginny woke up to the sun streaming in her windows, and birds singing. She sat up, panicked. Oh Merlin, she must have fallen asleep last night! Harry'd be at work now! She'd missed her chance! Maybe…'Mione was Assistant Minister of Magic…she could call Harry to her office, and no one would flicker an eyelash. They certainly would if she, Head of Curses and Counter Curses, summoned him. Today was her day off, so it was lucky she'd slept in today, not yesterday.

The red-haired witch threw back the duvet, swinging pale, freckled legs over the side. Ginny stared at them, realising for the first time that she was wearing her nightdress. That meant…Harry must have changed her.

The gesture brought tears to her eyes, because it was a perfect indication of his love. If he didn't care for her anymore he wouldn't have taken her up to her room, let alone changed her out of the less than comfortable linen robes she'd been wearing.

Humming, she got up, and walked downstairs.

* * *

Harry half-smiled at the sound of Ginny's quiet singing. He hadn't heard her do that for months. "Good morning." He said as she walked into the kitchen.

Ginny let out a little shriek of surprise. "Oh, I didn't realise you were home."

Was it his imagination, or was her tone lighter than yesterday? Deciding to believe it was, he responded in a similar tone. "Decided not to go to work today. Ne-my partner's had a breakthrough he wants to pursue, and I can't do what we were doing on my own." Harry said, pushing his glasses back up on his nose. He had to remind himself that Ginny wasn't interested.

"Harry, you and I need to talk." Ginny said seriously.

Harry nodded, equally grave. "Yes, we do. Get yourself some breakfast. I'll make a pot of tea, and we can chat the day away if you like."

Ginny just stopped herself from snapping at his bossiness, they were trying to sort things out, not fight even more. She grabbed a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table, looking at the parchment Harry had been reading curiously.

_'Harry, had epiphany re:Crucio. Will pursue. See you tomorrow-N.'_

She frowned. 'N' and Harry were doing something with the Cruciatus Curse?

The sheet of parchment was gently removed from her grasp, and Harry smiled, sitting down. "So," he said. "You wanted to talk? Get talking."

"Firstly, please don't boss me around like that. I'm your wife, not your slave." Ginny said stiffly.

Harry nodded. "Yes, ma'am." He joked.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Next on the agenda, you and I. What are we doing, Harry? Where are we going? Are we even together anymore? Or is this just for the sake of convenience?"

"You're not convenient, Ginny. In fact, you're probably the most inconvenient woman I've ever met." Harry said passionately. "You're stubborn, wilful, quick to anger, argumentative, annoying, rash, curious, and you can't sing for all the knuts in the world."

"Then why do you stay?" Ginny flared. "Since you hate it so much." She went to get up, tears spilling down her cheeks, but Harry stopped her, cupping her face in his hands.

"I don't hate it, cariad," Harry said gently, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. "I love it. I love _you_. You're not just those things. You're also kind, intelligent, witty, cute, sweet, lively, and incredibly sexy."

Ginny blushed.

"You're one of the only people I can completely open up to," Harry continued. "You _make_ me open up. And while you're snappy, I've never seen you bitchy. That's nice. It would be so easy for you to cross that line, but you don't."

"I love you too, Harry." Ginny admitted in a whisper. "But I can't live like this anymore. Not knowing what you're doing, why you can't come to dinner at my parents' house on special occasions, why you're always so tired. You keep secrets, Harry, and you used to get angry at Albus for doing that."

Harry nodded. "I know, I understand that. When I first realised you and I were getting serious, I asked my boss if I could have clearance to tell you everything. But…do you want to know everything?"

"Yes." Ginny said firmly. "It's the only thing that will give us a chance at making this work."

Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair. "For the past three years Neville Longbottom and I have been working on a potion to counteract the effects of the Cruciatus Curse. He's actually very good at Potions, when he doesn't have Snape hovering over his shoulder."

"But Harry, there's already potions to counteract the effects of the Cruciatus Curse." Ginny objected.

"No, I'm not talking about the immediate effects. Nev and I have been working on a potion to counteract the insanity long-term exposure causes." Harry explained.

Ginny paled, freckles standing out starkly in her white face. "Have…have you gotten anywhere?" She asked shakily.

Harry nodded. "We've managed to create a potion which fixes the memory loss associated with Cruciatus Madness, but we're still working on the actual insanity. The problem is, the Madness affects everyone differently. For example, it affects Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom in a different way to how it affects P-" Harry stopped, not wanting to hurt Ginny. He'd seen the way she winced whenever her brother was mentioned by some thoughtless git.

"Percy." Ginny finished for him, dark eyes full of pain. "So…you haven't found a cure, yet?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm sorry, cariad. We're close, I can feel it."

"Well, keep trying." Ginny did her best to smile.

Harry nodded. "We will. Until we find a cure, we're going to keep on trying. You see now why I was always exhausted? That kind of thing is hard work."

Ginny grinned. "Yes, I see. And…I forgive you for not being able to tell me. But you've got clearance now, so I expect to be kept informed."

"Actually, you might be able to help." Harry mused. "You're well-versed in Curses and Counter-Curses, you have to be, and didn't you take that healing course?"

"Yes…" Ginny frowned. "Tomorrow I want to see your notes."

"Tomorrow?"

A wicked grin lit up Ginny's elfin features. "We haven't finished making up, Mr. Potter." She undid the buttons of his white shirt slowly.

"Ah. Forgive me. We should correct that oversight immediately." Harry said, capturing Ginny's lips with his own.

Finite

No Weasleys were harmed in the making of this fic. One rat, however, was mysteriously decapitated by an incorporeal dog…

_Hold Me - Savage Garden_

_Hey Yeah,  
If we can't find a way out of these problems,  
Then maybe we don't need this.  
Standing face to face,  
Enemies at war we build defenses,  
And secret hiding places._

_I might need you to hold me tonight.  
I might need you to say it's alright.  
I might need you to make the first stand.  
'Cos tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man._

_Hey Yeah,  
More than angry words I hate this silence,  
It's getting so loud.  
Well I wanna scream,  
But bitterness has silenced these emotions,  
It's getting hard to breathe._

_So tell me it isn't happiness,  
Worth more than a gold diamond ring?  
I'm willing to do anything,  
To calm the storm in my heart.  
I've never been the praying kind,  
But lately I've been down upon my knees.  
Not looking for a miracle,  
Just a reason to believe._

_I might need you to hold me tonight.  
I might need you to say it's alright.  
I might need you to make the first stand.  
'Cos tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man._

_Do you remember not long ago?  
When we used to live for the night time,  
Cherish each moment.  
Now we don't live, we exist,  
We just run through our lives,  
So alone.  
That's why you've got to hold me._

_Hey Yeah,  
If we can't find a way out of these problems,  
Then maybe we don't need this.  
Standing face to face,  
Enemies at war we build defenses,  
And secret hiding places._

_I might need you to hold me tonight.  
I might need you to say it's alright.  
I might need you to make the first stand.  
'Cos tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man._

_I might need you to hold me tonight.  
I might need you to say it's alright.  
I might need you to make the first stand.  
'Cos tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man._


End file.
